Self-care Redefined
It’s a crisp fall morning as I find myself sitting all alone in my office space at Inspire Business Community. The gentle autumnal sun leaks in through the skylight windows of this rustic building that was once the home of a peanut butter factory. Cue the wistful longings for the nostalgic comfort of a well-made PB&J. I really must treat myself to one soon, maybe this afternoon even, I think and possibly say aloud, but for now, this greek yogurt and lemon curd parfait in Tupperware that I crafted carefully for myself will have to suffice. I turn my gaze next to each plant positioned with intention in its perfect place, breathing life into a room that has not yet begun buzzing with the activity of its members and guests. The tranquil hum of “Lofi hip hop beats'' coos on the Sonos while I sip slowly from my piping hot mug of coffee, being careful to take in all the notes of brown sugar, cocoa, and dare I say, orchid? Ahh, but alas, I digress so easily into borderline run-on sentences and loose associations in my pre-caffeinated, stream of consciousness state, though at this moment it hits me, I am completely at ease.
Far be it for me to project my notions of the perfect morning onto anyone else; on the contrary, today I define a simple morning ritual of good coffee, quietness, a solid protein-forward breakfast, and appreciation for the finely-tuned details surrounding and grounding me to earth. This is self-care for me.
When asked to elaborate on what images or ideas the words “self-care” conjure up, many jump immediately to the token woman at a spa wearing a robe. You know the one. She has those proverbial cucumber eyes and a face mask preferably made from organically-grown oats and Sugar-in-the-raw harvested from a sustainably-sourced patch of coastal land where they donate 50% of their profits to restoring the population of the endangered indigenous manatee species. Then and only then, have you hit the mark for self-care.
If this and other societal normative self-care imagery doesn’t call to you, or perhaps more importantly, if you instead feel your forehead muscles instantly fighting against the need to roll your eyes, which is often accompanied by the compulsion to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, then let’s dig a little deeper. What really does self-care mean, and why is it important?
I choose to define self-care as any act, choice, or behavior which is important to or important for your own wellness on an ongoing basis. Wellness can be further subdivided into these 8 broader categories: physical, emotional, psychological, financial, spiritual, social, environmental, and professional. This can include anything you do to de-stress or better yet, prevent stress in the first place. If you’re still having trouble thinking about this at a personal level, sometimes I find it beneficial to think about what self-care is NOT for you.
Let’s observe your body during moments of stress. Do you find yourself gritting your teeth, clenching your fists, holding your breath, cursing out at a hapless driver who just ran a red light, pacing the room, or physically holding tension inside your body in any way? Where are you and what are you doing when you feel these types of sensations?
Sometimes it can be simply the drive to work that triggers us into a bad space to start the day. Seriously? Who did that guy think he was cutting me off in the passing lane? Doesn’t he know I’m running late for a very important meeting with my first cup of coffee? Sometimes it can be opening your email inbox as the notification number has been ticking upward to all the unopened emails begging for your attention; it could even just be staring at that email app’s notification number on your phone growing exponentially. Maybe it’s the dread you experience each day when the mail arrives as another bill piles up on top of your mounting financial woes. It could be that you are being asked (or worse yet, imposing on yourself) to stretch your margins thin with another overtime day of work to get a pesky project done. You know your school-aged child still needs to be picked up from soccer and has a book report due the next morning that isn’t going to write itself without some serious wrangling from an adult. You get my point. These situational examples are endless, and more importantly, they vary greatly from person to person regarding what we experience as stressors and how we combat the daily rigor of what life throws our way.
When working on creating my business logo with Ryan Keates at Foxduck design, he brilliantly crafted into image what I was attempting to articulate with words: the idea of the flexible yet resilient willow tree that encourages us all throughout life showing us the way to adjust to life’s pressures without snapping. I loved this concept, and a logo design was born! The trick to bringing this idea home involves unwrapping layers of yourself and naming the things that you know bring malleability and flexibility to your daily life. Don’t let others define what is or isn’t right for you. If you need to blare some 90’s old school hip hop in the car rider lane while waiting to pick up your kids from school, you go ahead and protect ya neck with the best of them! Nobody else is going to go all Warren G. and regulate on putting you first. No Diggity, No Doubt. If you need to unwind with a little Tetris on the Nintendo Switch online with friends after a long day in the office, again, have at it. That is what all the kids are playing these days, right?
This is a large component of the work I facilitate with my clients. Many find it difficult to identify and name the roadblocks they experience in their jobs, relationships, and personal lives until they say them out loud with me. I really value the process of this work with my clients and how they open their worlds to me and we build a mutual sense of trust together. This doesn’t have to feel scary or intimidating, and I promise you that the sense of relief and empowerment you experience as you build the tools to take care of yourself are worth every ounce of discomfort you must push through to get there. Invest in yourself. You’re worth it.
